Brandon,

I hope this finds you well. I've been reflecting on our friendship and the important role you play in my life. Your intelligence, strong morals, and team-oriented nature are qualities I’ve always admired. I've never seen you do anything malicious, which elevates you above most of us.

However, I've noticed some patterns in our friend group and broader society that concern me. As someone who prioritizes truth-seeking, I feel compelled to share my thoughts with you.

I was the only person in my family who was able or willing to identify the major problems. They were obvious to me but it seemed like I was the only person seeing these issues. I saw the pervasive denialism in my family and how the silence perpetuated and actually exacerbated the problems. Ignoring the elephant in the room has costs. Addressing problems early on can prevent bigger issues down the line and ultimately strengthen our relationships and communities. So I feel obligated to help, particularly when my skills are uniquely valuable to the problem at hand.

The conflict between speaking truth and maintaining social cohesion has followed me from family into broader society. In school, I saw similar behaviors in all my friends, so I took it as part of the price of integrating into society. Fitting in was more important than sticking to my truth, so I learned to sweep certain things under the rug rather than being confrontational and altruistic --- compromise. The problem is that other people's denialism does in fact cause external harm.

EXAMPLE 1: I've been taking care of my mom and stopped talking to the rest of my maternal family. They expected me to 'have family values' and visit them regularly, but also expect me to not talk about my mom because it is uncomfortable for my Grandpa to think about his daughter that he abandoned. They never visited me because it was ‘inconvenient’. They left no room for my reality but expected me to be a happy, silent member of their tribe.

The historians are clear: authoritarianism relies on the inaction of the "sensible majority" - good people who choose comfort over confrontation. Your moral compass is one of the strongest I've seen, which is precisely why your current passivity concerns me. You've shared regrets about not addressing issues sooner in your relationships. I believe if we don't confront this authoritarian movement now, your regret could be infinitely deeper. Your moral compass is strong—I'm asking you to use it when it matters most. I'm asking directly because I respect your character too much to watch you fall into the historical pattern of good people who waited too long to act. The question isn't whether you'll eventually recognize the urgency - it's whether you'll do so while action remains possible.

EXAMPLE 2- My mom is in the Trump cult but she is freaking out about loosing her Medicaid and Food Stamps. It took me real effort to get her here and keep her off the streets - and she has improved a lot. But with out current heading, my mom won't have health care or enough money for food... so I'll be dealing with that alone while the rest of the family ignores reality.

I know you have a strong moral compass, and I believe that your voice and actions could make a significant difference. I'm not asking you to change overnight, but rather to consider how your strengths and values could be used to address the urgent issues we're facing. I'm here to support you and collaborate on finding solutions that align with our shared principles. Thank you for taking the time to read this message. I value our friendship and look forward to further nerdage.

with Love and Respect,

Thermos